relationship superstition
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co-chu -
im a flip/chinese baby of 5 siblings, youngest son with 3 sisters and an older gay brother. grew
up in the states with no chinese influence other than my dad so basically a flip influence with a
western kind of attitude. dont get me wrong i take to heart of what my dad says about chinese
however, growing up in the states my frame of mind is more to "your old enough to make your own
decisions its your life when it comes down to it."
my problem is im with a flip/chinese girl with the same last name. we're researched it as much we
could converseing with living relatives if there was any connection with my family (Co Sing Ley)
to hers (Co Heng).
the superstition my dad tells me that in chinese tradition you cant marry someone with the same
last name. which i understand to a point as long as there's no fam connection.
(remember i grew up in the west.too much jerry springer). the superstition states that once
married or born child that all males in the fam will die of illness of cancer or what have you and
everyone else desperate times.
i dont believe in superstition our destiny is what you make it. i dont know if we're gonna last in
the long run but i love this girl with all my heart and i dont want to give up on her over some
old tale. my dad says that if i stay with her im disowned from having a dad and i reckon the fam
as well.
i hope i gave enough info plz let me know what you think pplz.
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skylee -
That is superstition. My sister's husband has the same surname as my family's. We never even
thought of it as a problem.
You don't have to give up if your love is strong and long-lasting enough. Normally you will
survive your dad.
Lu -
There used to be (or still perhaps is, for some) a taboo on marrying someone with the same
surname, but at least nowadays plenty of people do it anyway. My friend's sister is a Lin married
to a Lin, and I once knew an engaged couple both surnamed Wang. No bad things happened to any of
them.
This question has been asked before, you can try searching, there are probably more examples there.
I wish you and your GF all the best, and hope you can convince your dad!
monto -
As your father has a saying on your marriage based on what he thinks of Chinese tradition, I think
the best way for you is solve it just following the tradition.
There is really a belief in Chinese tradition that people should avoid marriage with one
bloodly linked . But Chinese counted it only on the father's side, so traditionally marriage with
a cousin on one's mother's side was accepted, which is not good in views of modern genetics.
As matter of fact, it is turned out not a superstition, modern science says the same though it is
just a coincidence.
Your father misunderstood the tradition, that is key point here. The misunderstanding is quite
common in Chinese circle, especially among people without much education.
As Chinese count the blood linkage only on their father's side traditionally, whenever a marriage
is "banned" because of close blood link, people see the man and the woman invlolved are the same
surname, that leave to some people the wrong impression making them misunderstand the true reason.
Same surname does not mean the same blood line necesarily.
You need to prove that your family and the girl's family are not two branches of the same tree
(that means you two don't have any traceble blood relationship countable on you rfathers' side),
that would give you the firm ground to marry the girl in accordance with Chinese tradition.
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